The principle of the Hailinger family arrangement system mainly includes the following three aspects:
1. Attribution rule: The principle of wholeness: All members of the family system, regardless of whether they are alive or blood related, should be seen, recognized, and belong to the system. This includes aborted children, deceased members, and forgotten family members. Their existence and identity need to be recognized and respected by the family. Irrevocability: No individual appearing in the system can be ignored or excluded. Even if a family member's behavior does not meet family standards or they have done something shameful, they are still a part of the family system and cannot be excluded or no longer recognized.
2. Order rule: Identity and position: The identity and position of family members in the system cannot be misplaced. For example, roles such as parents and children have their specific order and position, and cannot be changed or adjusted arbitrarily. If the order is disrupted, such as children moving beyond their parents' position or younger siblings moving beyond their siblings' position, it can lead to an imbalance in the family system. Importance ranking: In nuclear families, the marital relationship is usually more important than the parent-child relationship, and the parent-child relationship emphasizes the order of growth and development. Each member needs to respect this important order and avoid offside behavior.
3. Balance rule: Balance between giving and receiving: The balance between giving and receiving should be maintained in the family system. Excessive effort or acceptance from either party may lead to an imbalance in the relationship. For example, in a marital relationship, if one party desperately treats the other well while the other can only passively accept, this imbalance may ultimately lead to the disintegration of the relationship. Intergenerational inheritance and compensation: In parent-child relationships, it is common for parents to give their children one-way love. However, in the family system, the giving and receiving of love also need to reach a balance. If parents treat their children favorably, the children who get more love may balance or compensate the part that other brothers and sisters do not get through problematic behavior, illness and other ways.
The Hailingge family arrangement system helps people find the key to solving family problems by revealing the operating mode of the family system and the interactive relationships between members. It emphasizes the importance of inner insight, experience, and fearless attitude in problem-solving, providing a new perspective and approach to facing family challenges.